Thank goodness to my husband who keeps me accountable and is never afraid to hold up a mirror so that I can see myself, even if I squirm like a fish.

Here I am, always speaking of contentment, letting go, and in finding the beauty in things that are immaterial…this weekend, I turned into one big hypocrite! Well, I shouldn’t say I just turned, because this hypocrisy is always nagging at my consciousness. I am always tempted by the allure of the material item. How can we not be? We’ve been raised on it. The TV and magazines show how perfect life can be and will be if we just had this car, that house, lived in this city, wore those clothes. Life would be all sunshine and rainbows if I only had…you name it.

So, here is what happened, but first you need a brief background…my husband
is 5 months into building our own personal family business. He is putting all
he has, mentally, physically, financially, into this business for he and I, and our
family to be. For being five months in, things are going pretty well, and he is
looking to hire someone. Rather than buy a new desk, he asked me if he can use
the desk from our home. Trying to be the smart, practical and hopefully selfless
person I aspire to be, I say yes.

As I stood in what used to be my office, with my things strewn around, because
I no longer have drawers, my husband suggests that we move the tiny left-handed
person’s desk into the office so that I can place my computer on it, etc. And, here
is where the breakdown begins. The wave of self pity was enormous – where am
I going to put all of my things!? How can I use this desk, I am right handed!?
He took my desk from me, and now I have this little writing desk that is subpar
to the large desk I had, and I am supposed to be content!? I stomped around
the rest of the weekend like a spoiled 5 year old that didn’t get her Cabbage Patch
Doll for Christmas, (which did happen, I promise you!) The loss of my desk only
served to trigger all of the other material injustices I have endured as a result
of this business endeavor such as, replacing the kitchen table with one that
matches our home.

Hmmm….I think I sound like a monster writing this down! Am I really a yoga
teacher!? What is this obsession with material things? Is it really going to make
my life that much better? Really? Well, what will probably happen is, once I get
that one thing, there will be something else, and something else, and something else, and the never ending quest to fill the bucket full of things to bring happiness begins. I ask myself, are the people who live in small shacks in Bali or Europe any less happy than the average American? Probably not.

In our beautiful culture, our beautiful country has goals of creating comfort for everyone, and we’ve done so well that we Americans have become obsessed with filling our pockets and houses with stuff. And what’s more, it’s not just filling the houses with stuff, the stuff must match, it must flow, it must get better, and larger, and bigger, and fancier. There are so many rules to buying and owning stuff! And for what? Will the sun always shine on me if I have it all? And will this quest for bigger, better, nicer, ever end?

Yes, I am a yoga teacher, and I fall too. I aspire to live mindfully and full of grace, but I fall. It’s when I fall that I am able to reflect, so the process is really quite beautiful to observe. Thank goodness to my husband who held up my yogi mirror and reminded me of what is important to my life, my being. And that is not things and stuff, it is to experience life with friends and family - the ups and downs and in-betweens. To be content and thankful for all that I have right now, and to know, really know, that it is all that I need.

Here’s to letting go.
Namaste.